Sox release surprising series roster

Minnie Minoso

This is so unbelieveable, I'm just going to copy the story as it came off the wire.

CHICAGO (AP) - The American League Champion Chicago White Sox shocked the sports world today when they announced their team roster for the World Series will include 83-year old Minnie Minoso. Minoso, a long time fan favorite, became one of only two players (along with Nick Altrock) to play pro baseball in 5 different decades, and last appeared as a pinch hitter for the Sox in 1980, at age 58, going 0 for 2. Minoso will be used as a situational hitter off the bench.

REACTIION MIXED

"This is a disgrace to the game," said Roger Clemens of the recently crowned National League Champion Houston Astros, who will play the Sox in the Series beginning saturday night in Chicago. "The poor old guy might get hurt really bad."

From Milwaukee, Comissioner Bud Selig promised not to endorse the roster, saying the Sox had made "a mockery of the national pastime."

Even the nation's #1 baseball fan, President George Bush had something to say on the subject. When told of Minoso's activation during a scripted press conference on the White House lawn, Bush reacted by saying, "Mr. Minoso is a fine man, a good American, and we support him in his endeavor to defeat the tyranny of evil dictators and terrorists who oppose freedom."

In Minoso's home country of Cuba, Fidel Castro, when told the news, launched into a 5-hour rant on the "Traitor Comrade Minoso" and vowed life in prision should he ever return to the island.

White Sox Owner Chairman Jerry Reinsdorf was more sympathic, noting, "We believe Minnie's experience will really help the team reach a whole new level."

Minoso's spot on the roster came at the expense of utility infielder Geoff Blum, who was given his unconditional release by the Sox today. As he left Comiskey Park, Blum said, "What the fuck? Are you really shitting me? I've been replaced by some dude in his 80s? Fuck that shit." When it was noted that Blum, hit just .200 in 31 games for the Sox, and that despite his age, Minoso might actually do better, Blum reacted by saying "The Sox are gonna get their asses kicked. While you're at it, why not bring back Wilbur Wood."

When told of Blum's comments, Reinsdorf said, "That's crazy. We can't bring back Wood. He's dead! Isn't he?"

Long suffering Sox fans had a generally positive reaction. Gary Wyzoski, a 47 year old Sox fan from south suburban Alsip said, "Its like a dream come true. Da Sox in da Series. Minnie's back. Da Southside. Brats. Dis is da year, my friend."

Minoso, who was at his usual afternoon location - tending the grill at Sluggers sports bar near Wrigley Field on Chicago's north side, said he was "thrilled" to be back, and added, "I'm so blessed to have another chance to win the Series for the White Sox. Beisbol been a very very good to me!"

Clubhouse leader Paul Konerko was stunned by the news saying, "Can he go to the bathroom by himself? I don't wanna have to clean up some old guy's bag."

In the end, Sox manager Ozzie Guillen summed up the situation by noting, "We gots to play wit the hand we dealt, ya know? Sometimes.. dese situations, youknow, dey happen and we gonna make de best of it. Dis team is no quitter, and I know Minnie, and I know dat, in spite his age, he's a no quitter. So, we gonna try a real hard to bring a World Series championship to Chicago."