The Bad News Bears Ride Again

Aw crud, Buttermaker!

I just finsihed viewing the trailer for the remake of the Bad News Bears, due out this summer. More on this in a minute.

No posts yesterday. The weather was beauitiful, so I drank. Whaddya expect? I'm a day behind.

Sox Update: Sox won saturday night, 8-5. 8 of 9 Sox get hits. Everett's homer drives in 3. Iguchi hits a double. Konerko and Timo both homer. The Sox turn two double plays. Despite giving up 10 hits and 3 ER in 6 IP, Garland gets the win.

Minor League Update:
Charlotte (AAA): The Knights score 2 runs in bottom of the 9th en route to their first victory of the season, 3-2 over the Columbus Clippers. Brandon McCarthy looked great - 7 IP, 1 ER on 2 hits, and stuck out 10. Brian Becker goes 2 fo 4 with a homer, a triple, and RBI and 2 runs scored. Borchard stuck out 3 times in 4 at bats.

Birmingham (AA): the Barons score 2 in the 9th to beat Jacksonville. Fields and Blakely each get 2 hits. Rogo gets a stolen base.

Winston-Salem (A): Lost 4-2 at Kinston. Tom Collaro gets two hits!

Kannapolis (A): Lose to Ashville, 3-1. Not Liotta's fault- 5 IP, 1 ER and 7 Ks.

ESPN's Sunday Night Baseball is bad enough with Joe Morgan's vain dialogue. But this season, they've got a new feature to kill time and hold onto that all-important 21-36 male demographic during the 7th inning stretch - the stunningly beauitiful Sam Ryan introduces a segement that involves a pop music flavor-of-the-moment talking about why they love baseball. During last sunday's Yankees-Red Sox game, it was none other hefty Bronx native and wanna be gangsta Fat Joe, talkin' Yankeesyoboyknowwhati'mtalkinboutyeah? And if you think Fat Joe is Fat, he's no match for this week's heavy hitter - the morbidly obese guitarist from Bowling For Soup (though props he was sportin' an old school #12 Bad News Bears jersey of my favorite juvinlle delinquent, Tanner Boyle). Wonder who the produces will tip the scales with for next week's Atlanta-Philadelphia game? Meatloaf? John Popper (well, he's not fat anymore)? Frank Black/Black Francis? Aretha Franklin?

So seeing the Bears jersey on the huge guy from Bowling For Soup, reminded me to go out to the web and confirm the rumor that the classic 1976 film starring Walther Mattheu, Tatum O'Neal, Vic Morrow and Jackie Earl Haley, was really going to be remade starring Billy Bob Thornton. It seemed like a rumor too terrible to be true. I know that Hollywood is out of new ideas (thus, The Flintstones and Miss Congeniality 2) but how could someone remake such a classic? Why not remake Animal House with Jimmie Kimmell in John Belushi's role as Bluto? And Jimmy Fallon taking Tim Matheson's place? Or remake It's A Wonderful Life, change the script and insert Jar Jar Binks in the role of Clarence the guardian angel? "Eh a misdter George Bailey, why you wanna keeel youself?" Why? Because its a terrbile idea to remake a classic. Apparently, this news never made it to the studio that put up millions for the Bears remake. If the trailer is any indication, the Bad News Bears remake is really gonna suck donkey balls. It appears that the dialogue has changed completely, along with the Bears unis and their sponsor (no longer "Chico's Bail Bonds"). In this hyper-sensitive 21st Century, its no wonder that most of Tanner Boyle dialogue had to be eliminated. But that's what made the film so great, these bitter, jaded totally crude kids and their horribly inappropriate comments. Lines from Boyle's character when Amanda joins the team like, and I'm paraphrasing here (and please forgive me): "A Jew, a ni---r, two spics, and now a girl?" Horribly offensive, yet classic.

Baseball phrase of the day: bender v/arch. a curveball