iPod Found Dead

iPod and friend, during happier times

'End of a great era in music'

(AP) - Toyko - EasyW's iPod was found dead today at an upscale Toyko hotel. He was 3 years old. Japanese officials gave no cause of death, but foul play is not suspected. "The premature expiration appears to be lifestyle related," said one anomyous Japanese official thru a translator.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs could not be reached for comment. But an Apple spokesperson denied rumors of a suicide. "This is a tragic event, and those close to the iPod would like to request privacy from fans and the media in order to properly grieve." said the spokesperson.

Sympathy poured in from musicians around the world."This is the end of a great era in music," said U2 frontman Bono when informed of the news as he fed children at a UN refugee camp in Southern Sudan, "But we've got to keep going, and move forward, and take the lessons learned from this great machine and apply them towards a brighter global future."

"We had a lot of good times together, crazy wild times." said rapper Chuck D. "Its a shame, too. I hear he was about to get into some Podcasting."

Even the usually reclusive Axl Rose emerged from his Malibu compound to express sadness. "I was really looking forward to working with the iPod on 'Chinese Democracy'," said Rose.

GOOD BEGINNINGS

iPod began his life at a bacteria and germ-free assembly plant near Hong Kong, and was shipped to North America as part of the iPod "Second Generation" invasion in early 2003. Landing at a Best Buy location in Bolingbrook, Illinois. iPod's original owner purchased the sleek device in June 2003. During the short 5-month ownership, the original owner loaded iPod with an ecclectic mix of music. But ultimately, 15 GB proved to be too small for such a big music fan, and iPod was quickly put on the block as his owner moved onto to a 20 GB model.

The iPod was resold to EasyW for $300 in November 2003. At the time, that was a substatial savings over the $350 list price. Once initial interface issues were resolved, the iPod was quickly up and running with a variety of new rockin tunes.

DOWNWARD SPIRAL

The iPod's finest moments came during the summer of 2004, when 15 GB of new music was rotated on an almost daily basis. Exciting and unique playlists were created weekly and touched on such influences as Hawaiian surf music, fat Minneapolis gay thrash punk of the 1980s and the nostalagic 'junior high memories'. Shortly thereafter, a bug in the Dell PC related to a driver recoginition issue with the remote storage device inabled the iPod to be updated with iTunes. As a result, since November 2005, the iPod shuffled along with its 15 GB of music unchanged. A downward spiral quickly followed.

Just last month it was learned that, as a child, its previous owner may have overcharged the young battery, thereby significantly reducing the iPod's lifespan. Additionally, iPod's earlist years may have been characterize by other forms of sonic abuse. "Good Charlotte, Nickleback, Whitney Houston.. shallow music of that nature," said one anomyous source.

Fellow Apple device Black Nano recalled a recent disturbing incident at his Silicon Valley home. "It was real late, like 4 in the morning, and he had been out at some mp3 party in the Valley, doing a lot of coke with Pink Mini. I could tell because they both had white rings around their input jacks. Anyways, she gave him a ride over to my place. iPod came in, his protective case was all frayed, and the snaps were broken. He pushed his way past me, went right for my Gateway mainframe, plugged in and starting downloading stuff like Led Zepplin... it was real disturbing. Then he snagged my new Bose headphones and ran out the front door."

Actor Nick Cage recalled a similiar incident that occurred just a few weeks ago, at a party for music industry executive Jimmy Iovine at his Beverly Hills mansion. "Springsteen was there and was trying to talk some sense into him.. talking about Roy Orbison, Dylan, that sort of stuff.. but the iPod was having none of it. You could tell by the look on his backlight that he just wasn't there. Later that night, I saw him disappear into a room with two groupies carrying some really big headphones.. it was the last I ever saw him."

In recent days, rumors had also circulated in the entertainment world that iPod had been banned from the Playboy mansion after allegedy giving a mild electric shock to a group of party goers in a hot tub. Actor Corey Feldman, who witnessed the incident said, "The media has blown the incident at the Mansion way out of proportion. It was not a big deal. It wasn't nearly as crazy as that time Fred Durst threw one of Hef's flamingos into the grotto."

In recent weeks, the iPod had gone to a repair center on the Hawaiian island of Molokai in attempt to get well, but wound up missing just a few days after its arrival.

The iPod apparently went home to Japan and was last seen backstage at a concert on saturday with Ashlee Simpson moments before she collasped on stage from "exhaustion".

THE FUTURE LOOKED BRIGHT

The iPod was a fixture on the Hollywood and fashion circuits, and was often found accompying various starlets on mundane errands. Among those linked with the iPod in recent months were actresses Natalie Portman, who was often seen in iPod's company on the set of her latest film, and Jessica Alba, who often had iPod accompy her when she worked out and went to the grocery store. For a brief period, iPod was also socialite Paris Hilton's traveling companion. Around this time, however, those closest to iPod began to notice some performance issues, most notably, a reduced battery life and occassional, unexplained shut-offs.

"It would just shut down completely," said EasyW, but come right back a few seconds later. It was a warning sign I should've picked up on."

Just six months ago, the future looked limitless, as iPod had signed a development deal with Miramax and was set to star as the lead opposite Tei Leoni in the forthcoming Jerry Bruckheimer film "Love Among The Pod People". Shooting was schedule to begin in Chicago this spring.

In an effort to cheer up the iPod, EasyW had recently downloaded iTunes 6.1 and was making an effort to finally fix the long-standing driver recoginition issue, going so far as to inquire about contacting a repair person. "I was really looking forward to adding some new Modest Mouse.. and I recently discovered an old Police disc I had meant to upload. I know it was looking forward to that new Strokes album as well... I guess its too late for that now." Thru tears, EasyW further lamented, "And I had all this christmas music on there, and had planned to take it back to the beach next summer..." his voice trailing off.

While an autopsy is expected, one person close to the iPod indicated the premature death was not caused by poor musical taste. "Sure, there was some Michael Stanley on it, but only a few songs. Mostly, the iPod will be remembered for having more rock in it than a quarry."